So Far So Good

Well, the ultra sound part of the ultra screen came back really well. The measurement of the nuchal translucency and the nasal bone were great! We won't get the blood test results until Tuesday. We feel really hopeful now after hearing that the ultra sound half went so well though. The genetics guy said that if the ultra sound came back well, we have a good chance of the blood work coming back well. So, as the title of this blog says, so far so good. More of the wait and see game though. Again, it was WONDERFUL to see our tater tot again on the screen. TTT is measuring almost 14 weeks. The tech said that the CRL is 3 inches and including legs is approx 4.5 inches! Awwww. We could see hands and feet really really well. It was so cute! Of course, I have pix to show you.

Waving

Profile

Another profile

Look at those little fingers!

Feet!!

Yet again another profile

An attempt at a 3D pic.

The tech wouldn't even make an attempt to look for gender. O well, we aren't in that big of a rush to find out. It'd be nice to know, but it doesn't really matter to us too much.  Ok, well, we're busy busy today I just wanted to update everyone. Again, Thank you all so much for all of your prayers and positive thoughts. They are really working!!

Ultra Screen Today

We have our Ultra Screen today at 1:15. I dunno if we'll get any results from it today or not. Part of it is a blood test so I'm guessing we won't get those results back for a while. You'd think that they might know something from ultrasound part of it though right? Eh, we'll see. Needless to say, we're a bit nervous.

11 weeks 3 days

Jessh I've been bad at updating lately! Honestly, I've spent most of my time napping!! HAHA! A lot has happened since I last wrote. Here is a re cap:

On April 26th, (8w2d) our midwife was nice enough to do a repeat ultrasound. She did that because we became nervous about TTT's HR only being 113bpm. The repeat ultrasound showed a HR in the 160's! It had only been a short time since our last ultrasound and baby looked much different! It was pretty exciting! We felt much better after that. I wish we weren't so scared to begin with, but we are.

On May 1st (9w0d)  I started spotting. I was also having cramping along with it. I didn't bother calling my dr, because I knew there was nothing they could do. I was terrified. I layed on the couch for days and  thought the worst. By May 5th, (9w4d) I did decide to call the dr. I couldn't sit around for weeks wondering if everything was ok. I knew spotting COULD be normal, I also knew that last time I had spotting was when we miscarried Grace's twin. The spotting had stopped for the most part, just some occasional brown spotting off and on. The dr asked that we come in for an ultrasound.

(9w2d belly) Jeeesh I'm bloated.

GREAT news! Baby was measuring 10 weeks. HR was 160 again and she said that everything looks "PERFECT" with baby. She did say the placenta is extremely low lying so that's why I had spotting. She told me I need to be on pelvic rest for 4weeks. (poor ryan) She said that 90% of these cases resolve themselves by second trimester. Baby was moving A LOT and it was sooo adorable!

(9w4d - measuring 10w0d) We were just SO relieved!!

We decided to rent a doppler so we don't have to run off to the dr every week for every little cramp. I am so thankful that we got that! We couldn't find the HR until 10w0d exactly.

O that heartbeat..what a beautiful sound. 160...Again.   :o)

Something stupid I noticed... my hair has REALLY gotten darker! I thought it had, but it took a few of my coworkers asking me, "did you dye your hair brown?",for me to really see it. It really has turned brownish! I dunno if it's something that happened  with my pregnancy with Grace or if it is something happening because of Tater Tot. It's weird though!

We bought a crib mattress at Babies R Us the other day because it was on sale! We stuck it in the crib with TT's other things and now it's starting to look like a real place a baby might belong. Of course it still needs sheets and blankets and stuff but it's nice to see the mattress for now. It was super hard to take Grace out of the crib though. Her and her urn and her  things have been in there since January. However, I got home and realized the mattress had to go somewhere... it was time for a move. Grace's urn is now on our dresser with all of her things. Much easier to get to and look at now actually, but moving her out of the crib that was meant for her, felt weird. Here is the crib now.

(We also bought that giraffe tote thing, isn't it so cute!?)

It's crazy to imagine that our baby might someday be wiggling around in there. I can't imagine. Just the thought of it makes me SO happy.

Yea... I might have bought some onsies too.... I might have bought 8 onsies. They were on sale, I couldn't help myself!

Ok so then yesterday, May 17th, (11w2d) was our OB appointment where they doppler baby's HR. The tech was nervous to try to find TTT's HR before I am 12 weeks so she brought me into a room with the ultrasound  machine! She  said "We'll just have her scan her belly so I don't make you nervous if I can't find an HR yet" WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! We were so excited for a suprise  sneek peek at TTT!  The pix didn't come out well at all because baby was moving so much! TTT has big boy arms and legs complete with elbows, wrists, and knees. He (yea I know it might be a she) was moving so much, doing barrell rolls and everything. It was so cool to see and we were so excited because we didn't think we were going to get to see baby at all that day. The placenta was still super low though, so that kinda sucked but oh well. Like I said, the pix didn't turn out well, he doesn't look very big in the pix at all.

(11w2d)

Next Wednesday (12w4d) I have my ultra screen with my perinatologist. Here is a link all about an ultra screen in case you don't know what one is. It is a pretty good test for multiple different congential abnormalities. If the baby were to come back with any sort of anomolies, we would still continue the pregnancy. The ultra screen is just for our own readiness and possible peace of mind. We're taking my mom with us so she can get a look at her grand baby. I so hope and pray that we get good news from the ultra screen!

As far as names go, as of 11w3d: For a boy, we like Kohen. For a girl, we like Hannah.

Well, I think that's all I have to update about. O wait, I'll update my belly... But I think I may just need to poo. HAHA

(seriously 11w3d?...that's gotta be bloat)

See you later aligators!

First Ultrasound

We had our first ultrasound for Turkey Tater Tot. We were pretty terrified to go. They even put us in the same room we were in last time with our little Grace Willow. This is the same screen we saw her on. Her heart was beating last time we saw here here..

 I wrapped up in my paper towel skirt and then,to lighten the mood.. they had this offensive piece of machinery set up for me. How wonderful.

RUDE! It didn't even buy me dinner first. Seriously.. that's a glove?! Wow.

Ok so, there it goes, looking for our TTT's heartbeat. It seemed to take a while. Please just let me see a heartbeat.

Then, I saw Him.

Wow. There's my baby! There's my Turkey Tater Tot!! He DOES exist! We couldn't believe it.

Based on my LMP I was supposed to be 7w3d. Ryan and I thought I was 6w6d-ish. The ultrasound confirmed what we thought and dated the baby to be 6w5d which makes the due date December 4th.

We saw and HEARD the heart beat too! It was 113. I thought this was a little low but the doctor said it was very normal for this early gestational age. She said it should be between 110-120. When I googled this to make sure she wasn't blowing smoke, I read it could be between 90-120. Ok so I guess I'll calm myself a little about it. It was just so beautiful to see the little flicker of our little rainbow's heart. We made that heart. I can't believe it.

We go back on May 17th for our next appointment. Oh, and somewhere around that time we're going to see Dr. Awesome at MFM to get our level II ultrasound and all of the other testing. We decided against an amnio though. No need to poke around in there.

I tried to keep a distance between me and TTT. It sounds awful, but I was just so scared to fall so hard for our rainbow until we saw the heart beat. It didn't work out too well. I loved him before today. After today, after our ultrasound....That heart. That beautiful beating, flickering heart melted our hearts and I'm so in love with that little blob I can hardly stand myself.

Oh, and I called him - HIM- because I dreampt it was a boy. I know I know, that doesn't mean anything. I just kinda have this hunch. I could be very wrong. I had a dream that we had a little baby boy and brought him home. He was healthy and absolutley beautiful.  With Grace, I always had dreams that we would deliver our baby and then we couldn't find her. We never took her home. We know how that turned out. This dream I had recently about HIM, he came home with us. His name was Kohen. I hope and pray that  my dream comes true.

Ryan and I both SO appreciate all of the thoughts and prayers that you all have sent our way.

First Appointment

We had our first appointment for our rainbow baby which so many of you are calling Turkey Tator Tot. Now you have us saying Turkey Tator Tot too! So much for deciding between Turkey OR Tator Tot. Hahaha.

Everything went well. It was just an inital question/answer sesion with a little blood work and stuff like that. We met with the midwife "L.C." She is the reason why I switched to that practice to begin with. I saw her do some deliveries while I was working in L&D and I just thought she was amazing. She has had several losses and was VERY understanding about all of my crazy fears I have right now. I'm going to have my first ultrasound on April 15th to try to see TTT's little heartbeat and to properly date our rainbow. She called me 5 weeks 2 days right now. Ryan and I think I am 4w6d but whatever. Then I'll have an ultrascreen between 11-13 weeks with Dr. Awesome, the high risk guy, to look @ the nuchal Translucency.

These fears are obnoxious. I'm back to not sleeping well just like after we lost Grace. It'll be nice to have some reassurance after our inital ultrasound. I just really really hope and pray that everything is ok in there. Like I've said before in my other blog, Kangaroos' have it so easy. They can just open their pouch and peek in on their little Joey's development. I wish I could do that too! I just have to be at peace with the fact  that things will turn out just as they are supposed to.

They gave me a bag of goodies with some sample prenatals and a pretty awesome magazine that has some awesome info and pix about fetal development. Fun!

Ryan said, "Those are the biggest pills I've ever seen! Are they trying to punish you!"   He was very bothered by these pills. HAHA. I've been taking prenatals for months and months but I'm going to take these DHA ones for the next 10 days during the critical neural tube development stage. They are quite large though. He felt the need to go get the ruler and show me how big they are...I didn't even know we owned a ruler.

The woman who poked me for my blood work almost got a punch to the face. I know, I'm a nurse, I'm annoying patient. At least I'm already aware of that, and I own it. I'm an annoying patient-yea, I know. Either way, I've been through this blood work thing before and I know where they are and are  not good veins. Did she listen to me- NO. Do I have a bruise the size of texas now  and an unnecessary second hole in my arm- YES. Damn her. I told her that we hopefully have 40 weeks together and we aren't going to be friends if she doesn't want to listen to me. Hmmmf.

Oh and why when they need to do a vag exam..and they have you undress from waist down, do they give you something about as big as a paper towel to cover your entire bottom half. Seriously? I needed about 4 of those to cover myself. I'm picture happy ya know..but not that picture happy. They'll be no pix of me , my shirt, and a paper towel skirt. Don't get me wrong, I did think about it.

Anyway, I have million pregnancy books that I have collected and by far my favorite one is called From the Hips by Rebecca Odes and Ceridwen Morris. Has anyone read it? It's got great advice and talks about the good, the bad, and the ugly of pregnancy.

Well, I think that's all the updates I have for now. Nothing too exciting. I'll take giant pills, get stuck with a needle as much as it takes, wear paper towel clothes, and throw up a million times. Anything for Turkey Tator Tot.

Turkey and Tater Tots

Welcome. To those of you who don't know me, let me fill you in a little. I'm just a regular person who lost my first precious baby, Grace Willow, 1*15*10 to Trisomy 18. I found blogging right after we lost her and have found a huge support system  with it.  Here I am again, making a new blog about our journey for our rainbow. We've been talking about trying for rainbow baby after I had my first AF after our loss. Like last time, the doctors told us it could take a few months to a year for my body to get adjusted but that pregnancy would happen when my body is ready.

I know my babylost mom buddies know what a rainbow baby is, but for those who don't, I found this on Susan's Blog :
"It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. It means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."

So,
On Monday the 22nd I took a pregnancy test.  I got a BFN (big fat negative). It was day 29 of my cycle. Sometimes my cycles are 32 days but still, I got a BFP with Grace on day 28. I decided in my head it wasn't going to be this month.

The sore boobs, peeing all the time, feeling crampy... it must be because I was going to start AF any second. Right? It sure felt that way.

On Thursday the 25th, I got up hours earlier then I normally do and I had to pee. I was half asleep and noticed the wrapper and my BFN on the floor of the bathroom along with another unused test. I decided to pee on it. What can I say, I'm a compulsive pee-er. If it's in my house, I will pee on it. I peed on it, set it down and IMMEDIATLEY saw this :

Waaaaiiiit a minute. I rubbed my eyes and looked again:

Yep, that's a BFP!!!!

Holy crap batman! This is craziness. I took another one the next day and it was a BFP as well!
I'll be getting my ultrasounds with the Maternal Fetal Medicine people so that makes me feel good knowing that we will have some extra special care. Yea, I know, we're telling people early. It wouldn't have helped us last time to not tell people early. We were well out of the safe zone when we lost Grace.

To all my baby lost mom friends that have decided to follow my new journey with hearts that understand the journey I am already on, I am glad you are here. Thank you for being here despite the loss of your precious one. I am sensitive to your feelings, I have been there. I have seen the other BFP's  from other women and went through those emotions. However, I do feel a different sort of happiness for our BLM group that get BFP's because I feel that all of us deserve a rainbow after our storm. That goes out to infertility mama's too.

Based on my LMP, our Tater Tot would be due on: November 29, 2010  Based on when we believe conception was and my average cycle length, Tater Tot would be due on: December 2, 2010. We'll see after we go to the doctor. I'm excited that this baby will be due around Thanksgiving. We've been calling it our Turkey because of that. Well, we can't decide if we want to call it Turkey or Tater Tot. Yea, what a stupid dilema to be in. I'm happy with this dilema. We feel so blessed and happy to be pregnant.

I saw these tater tots in the store today and they made me smile. Yea, that's right, frozen potato things made me smile.

I'm really happy about our Turkey/Tater-Tot. On the other hand: I'm TERRIFIED. During our pregnancy with Grace, we were so blissfully happy. Nothing could go wrong. We loved every second of everything and nothing really worried me. I don't feel that now. I feel happiness, I feel the blissful happiness wanting to creep in but I won't let it. Every cramp, every twinge, every everything...It makes me so nervous.  I don't want anything to go wrong. I am desperate to bring home a healthy baby with this pregnancy. Please God let me bring home a healthy baby.

Our chances of having another baby with Trisomy 18 are 1% now. (Based on Grace's amnio)

1%

That sounds like nothing. However, 1 % is a MUCH higher chance then we had before. With Grace and her twin, we hit odds of 0.05% of having a T-18 baby and having twins. 1% is huge to us now. Worrying doesn't help. It just doesn't. I just can't help it. I'm going to try to relax. I'm going to try to enjoy every single moment I have with this new ball of wonderfulness that I am currently growing. It's just easier said then done.

To feel a baby moving around inside of me is a wonderful thought. I have felt flutters before, I'm excited and nervous at the same time to feel them again. Imaginging the seconds after birth with a live baby crying on my chest are overwhelming. I've never been there. I've never felt that. I let myself imagine it for seconds at a time here and there and it's absolutley beautiful and amazing to think about.

Every and all prayers and positive thoughts are much appreciated for our Turkey Tot.